Sleep... Where For Art Thou?

Hazy fog,

Niggling doubt,

Conflicting advice.

... our minds were filled last week.

Sage's sleep 'patterns' have been causing us endless wondering - adding to that already inconquerable pile that comes with navigating the uncharted waters of first-time parenting.

We're not worried... just wondering.

And tired

Her lightly swaddled, sleeping body is carefully laid on a warmed mattress at around 7.30pm each evening and she rises with the filtering sun and vibrant calls of the morning birds at 6am each day. After sleeping through the night during her first few months of life, her norm became waking twice for feeds, usually at 1 and 4am, or sometimes 2 and 5.

We became accustomed to this Sage-initiated routine and upon the slumbersome fall of darkness, we were confident of what each night would hold. Instinctively, I came to anticipate her wakings; my eyes adjusting to the dimness of our sleepy sanctuary, sweet milk flowing in preparation for her contented gulps - often just moments before she'd stir.

Sleeping by my bedside, always within arms reach, I cherish having her close. Hearing the rise and fall of her silky breath and her sweet, dreamy sighs. Comforting bad dreams with soft lullabies and reassuring hands. Gently drawing her close to nurse in the quiet still of the inky darkness...

But now the time has come;
   the time that I knew would eventually arrive, but have been desperately resisting
   the time that brings with it a dull unease at even its mere thought

...the time that Sage has outgrown the cosy cocooned nest of her bassinet and the time that takes my baby girl from being by my side, to her cot... in her nursery... in another room... away

This week it has got to be time...
But it's weighing heavily on my heart

In preparation for the transition from our bedside to her nursery, we thought it may be best to begin encouraging Sage to gradually decrease those two nightly feeds to one

and in doing so, we found ourselves at three...

Yes, three!

{And some nights more.}    

"That'll teach you Mum!"

We tried settling in place of one of her usual feeds, which would work -- but only for a short time.

And I would be left feeling uneasy -
as I hadn't comforted her the way she needed.

And I would be left laying in anticipation, as her settled time was guaranteed to be short -
as I hadn't comforted her the way she needed.

And so she'd wake again -
and I'd end up feeding her anyway.

So our minds last week were filled, with

   hazy fog,

   niggling doubt,

   conflicting advice,

             as we stuck at this 'settling routine' for five days straight.

And we were tired

This week, instead of pacing the floors of our home in the chilled evening air for up to an hour, I choose to keep both my soul and my baby contented by cradling her to my chest, breathing her in and satisfying her desire for sweet, short bursts of nighttime Mumma love.

After all, it's only for a time...

    in the blink of an eye she will be grown and no longer need me in the way she does now

So this time, I will cherish.

Later in the week, Sage will spend her first night in her nursery.

I am strong,    I am strong,    I am strong.

I will be strong...



  1. Oh Anna, how is this going? It's so hard the whole sleep thing - and there are never any simple solutions. But it sounds as though you have the right attitude. Your little family will work it out - and discover what is best for you all. Just remember on those nights of endless waking...this too shall pass. The mama's mantra x

    1. She's had two nights in her cot now Claire and although unsettled from 11pm onwards - we'll get there eventually! The many feeds become tiring - I'm never full anymore - but I'd much prefer to comfort her by nursing rather than walk with her for hours on end! Thank you for your delightful words of encouragement xxx

  2. You poor loves! But you're approaching it the best possible way...one sleep/feed/day at a time. Before you know it she'll have developed a new rhythm...and then a new one...and so on! They just keep mixing it up on us (perhaps to keep us on our toes!) Hang in there...and listen to your heart (not what everyone else tells you to do or what you read). Take care :) x

    1. You're absolutely right Steph - after many words of advice from others, all we can do is be true to ourselves {and our hearts} in parenting Sage. We are trying to rest as often as possible and I'm drinking lots of water to keep up with her milk addiction :-) Thank you for your sweet comments - it's a real boost! xxx


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